by Craig Harper
Have you ever wondered why men can run into burning buildings to save their buddies from certain death, give them mouth to mouth and donate a kidney... but in a different situation and at a different time, not even be able to give the same bloke a hug?
If it's a life or death situation, we men will all-but kill ourselves to prove our friendship, loyalty and love... but to give a casual hug as a display of affection; don't be ridiculous.
Other than life and death situations, the 'I-really-care-about-you' signal usually comes in the form of a flick of the testicles with a wet towel, a headlock, or a punch on the arm. All male code for; 'I love you, but I'm too dysfunctional to show it.' 'So here.. have a bruise or a dislocation.'
I have to admit, there was a stage in my alpha-male evolution when I wasn't so comfortable with the whole man-on-man, embrace. Even if it was my best friend. Not that he would try.
In testosterone land (where most blokes live), an unwelcome approach from a well-intending male hugger, can result in violence and significant injury. Best friends will rarely hug unless alcohol is involved.. and then they'll do nothing but hug. While falling all over, and expressing their un-dying love and loyalty to each other.
What is it with (most) men? We can't hug or express any kind of affection to one another (excluding the alcohol thing), yet we'll take a bullet to protect one of our buddies.
Fortunately for me, the last decade has been somewhat liberating and I now enjoy more man-hugs per day, than most blokes would endure in a year. I have some very large, affectionate men who work with me so I don't have much say in it, but overall, it's kinda good.
One of my trainers (Gary) is five foot eight, weighs 120 kgs (264lbs) and bear-hugs me every day. He picks me up off the ground, shakes me around a bit and then puts me back where he found me. Whether I like it or not; it's happening. 264 pounds, 20 inch arms; that's a lot of love.
Over the last few months a non-hugger has come into my life. We work together and have become friends.. in fact he's the bloke who created and maintains this web-site and the bloke who manages my speaking and media stuff. For the sake of his professional reputation and anonymity, we'll call him John Hopkins.
Now, unfortunately for Johnny, my business is also his new work base; the same environment which is home to that team of large, alpha-males, who are themselves, quite partial to the man-hug. If someone thinks you're okay, there's a fair chance you'll receive some affection.
Not an inappropriate, lengthy display of affection.. just a bit of, "I think you're okay, so here's a hug."
The last month or two has been an interesting case study for me because Johnny's pretty easy to like.. and the more the boys like someone, the more they want a hug.
To say that Johnny ain't too comfortable with the concept is akin to saying "Gee, there's a lot of people in China."
The good news is, he's been at the Harperdome for about eight weeks now and I think I'm starting to detect a chink in his alpha-male armour. Four weeks ago an attempted hug would result in swearing and threats, at the very least.
This morning I hugged him.. and not even a whimper. Progress. He won't say.. but I think he digs it.
He likes to come across as Mr. 'don't-touch-me-or-I'll-belt-you', but under that tough-guy, forty three year-old exterior, is a twelve year-old who wants a hug and a bit of love.
It's okay Johnny. You don't need to be uncomfortable; we love you.
Other than under the influence of alcohol, the one exception to the 'no hugging rule' seems to be on the sporting field. To the casual observer, it would appear that the sporting arena is some type of exclusion zone for what is acceptable (even expected) male to male behaviour.
While in general, the bloke will avoid any physical intimacy or displays of affection with other males at all costs, it is on the sporting field where we witness a type of relationship which seems to be at odds with the typical behaviour of the male of the species.
It appears that once the man steps onto the sporting field he struggles to keep his hands off his other team mates; with inordinate amounts of hugging, fondling, kissing, rubbing and inappropriate touching being commonplace.
Even the most insignificant reason will see blokes running from all over the field to fondle, touch, pat, slap and rub a team-mate's backside. For some unknown reason the backside seems to receive a lot of attention.
That's another article right there.
What are the males like in your world?
Have you ever wondered why men can run into burning buildings to save their buddies from certain death, give them mouth to mouth and donate a kidney... but in a different situation and at a different time, not even be able to give the same bloke a hug?
If it's a life or death situation, we men will all-but kill ourselves to prove our friendship, loyalty and love... but to give a casual hug as a display of affection; don't be ridiculous.
Other than life and death situations, the 'I-really-care-about-you' signal usually comes in the form of a flick of the testicles with a wet towel, a headlock, or a punch on the arm. All male code for; 'I love you, but I'm too dysfunctional to show it.' 'So here.. have a bruise or a dislocation.'
I have to admit, there was a stage in my alpha-male evolution when I wasn't so comfortable with the whole man-on-man, embrace. Even if it was my best friend. Not that he would try.
In testosterone land (where most blokes live), an unwelcome approach from a well-intending male hugger, can result in violence and significant injury. Best friends will rarely hug unless alcohol is involved.. and then they'll do nothing but hug. While falling all over, and expressing their un-dying love and loyalty to each other.
What is it with (most) men? We can't hug or express any kind of affection to one another (excluding the alcohol thing), yet we'll take a bullet to protect one of our buddies.
Fortunately for me, the last decade has been somewhat liberating and I now enjoy more man-hugs per day, than most blokes would endure in a year. I have some very large, affectionate men who work with me so I don't have much say in it, but overall, it's kinda good.
One of my trainers (Gary) is five foot eight, weighs 120 kgs (264lbs) and bear-hugs me every day. He picks me up off the ground, shakes me around a bit and then puts me back where he found me. Whether I like it or not; it's happening. 264 pounds, 20 inch arms; that's a lot of love.
Over the last few months a non-hugger has come into my life. We work together and have become friends.. in fact he's the bloke who created and maintains this web-site and the bloke who manages my speaking and media stuff. For the sake of his professional reputation and anonymity, we'll call him John Hopkins.
Now, unfortunately for Johnny, my business is also his new work base; the same environment which is home to that team of large, alpha-males, who are themselves, quite partial to the man-hug. If someone thinks you're okay, there's a fair chance you'll receive some affection.
Not an inappropriate, lengthy display of affection.. just a bit of, "I think you're okay, so here's a hug."
The last month or two has been an interesting case study for me because Johnny's pretty easy to like.. and the more the boys like someone, the more they want a hug.
To say that Johnny ain't too comfortable with the concept is akin to saying "Gee, there's a lot of people in China."
The good news is, he's been at the Harperdome for about eight weeks now and I think I'm starting to detect a chink in his alpha-male armour. Four weeks ago an attempted hug would result in swearing and threats, at the very least.
This morning I hugged him.. and not even a whimper. Progress. He won't say.. but I think he digs it.
He likes to come across as Mr. 'don't-touch-me-or-I'll-belt-you', but under that tough-guy, forty three year-old exterior, is a twelve year-old who wants a hug and a bit of love.
It's okay Johnny. You don't need to be uncomfortable; we love you.
Other than under the influence of alcohol, the one exception to the 'no hugging rule' seems to be on the sporting field. To the casual observer, it would appear that the sporting arena is some type of exclusion zone for what is acceptable (even expected) male to male behaviour.
While in general, the bloke will avoid any physical intimacy or displays of affection with other males at all costs, it is on the sporting field where we witness a type of relationship which seems to be at odds with the typical behaviour of the male of the species.
It appears that once the man steps onto the sporting field he struggles to keep his hands off his other team mates; with inordinate amounts of hugging, fondling, kissing, rubbing and inappropriate touching being commonplace.
Even the most insignificant reason will see blokes running from all over the field to fondle, touch, pat, slap and rub a team-mate's backside. For some unknown reason the backside seems to receive a lot of attention.
That's another article right there.
What are the males like in your world?
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