by Craig Harper
Have you ever met someone who has seemingly lost their identity to their career (or perhaps to something else)?
And if you take them away from that career (or whatever it is), it's like they don't know who they are... because that is who they are...
It (whatever it is) gives them their confidence, their self esteem... and their identity.
"Tell me about yourself" "I'm a Lawyer." "No, don't tell me about your job... tell me about you." "What do you want to know?"
"Well, a Lawyer isn't who you are.. it's what you do; tell me about you."
Aaah...
"What inspires you, drives you, gets you excited, gets you furious, makes you cry, makes you laugh?"
"What are you passionate about, fearful of, what would you fight for?" "What will your legacy be?"
"Err...well, um.. can you give me a minute?"
I met someone recently and asked him all of the above questions in the first five minutes (a little intense I know). He totally didn't get it... thought I was weird.
Probably right, but not the point.
When I discovered that he was a lawyer, we had this conversation: (nothing against lawyers by the way)
"Do you enjoy law?" "I wouldn't call it enjoyment" "What would you call it?" "Work." "Can't they be synonymous?" "Not where I work"
"Did you always want to be lawyer?" "No." "What did you want to be?" "A vet or a musician." "What happened?" "My father happened." "Waddya mean?" "Family law firm, weight of expectation, eighteen years old." "You're not eighteen now."
In the ensuing twenty minutes, he gave me fifty reasons why he must stay a lawyer and why he couldn't pursue something more fulfilling, stimulating, rewarding or (shock, horror).. fun!
When I suggested that he returned to his passion (of music), even just for fun as a hobby, he assured me that he didn't have the time or the financial freedom to pursue something with little, or no, financial rewards.
I left him to enjoy another thirty years of blah...
Sometimes we're so busy existing... and conforming... and keeping everyone else happy, that we forget to live... and to pursue our passion. Or at least, try and discover what it might be.
Forget to do what makes us happy. Forget to be 'us'.
Not the 'us' everyone else expects, the real us. The us we love. Some of us have never even met the real us...
Confused?
We're so focused on creating a career, marrying before a certain age, producing our 2.3 kids, doing what's expected, making money, ticking boxes, doing all the necessary 'practical life' stuff, that we gradually and un-intentionally, lose part of ourselves. Of course we have to make money, pay bills and do all those grown-up things, but for many of us, somewhere along the way we lost the idealist, the dreamer, the optimist and the kid in us, who was always going to do and be something amazing.
Somewhere between then and now our standards changed, we started to think differently and we let the world beat the hope, excitement, creativity and the optimism out of us.
Somewhere, somehow... we settled.
We compromised.
We got tired, frustrated and disillusioned.
We got older... and more cynical..and more negative... and smarter... and dumber.
We started to rationalise our current situation with a very sensible, mature... and crippling perspective.
What if today was the day we gave the kid, the dreamer, the optimist and the idealist, a chance to run our life, or at least, have a voice in our life... and make some decisions?
Perhaps not all of the decisions.. but at least a few.
Maybe it would get some noses out of joint.
Maybe it would be unconventional.
Maybe it would be unexpected.
Maybe it would be a bit lumpy and bumpy... for a while.
Maybe it would make you uncomfortable and cause you to grow...and feel.
Maybe it would be amazing and rewarding and stimulating and fun.
Maybe it would make you happy.
Have you ever met someone who has seemingly lost their identity to their career (or perhaps to something else)?
And if you take them away from that career (or whatever it is), it's like they don't know who they are... because that is who they are...
It (whatever it is) gives them their confidence, their self esteem... and their identity.
"Tell me about yourself" "I'm a Lawyer." "No, don't tell me about your job... tell me about you." "What do you want to know?"
"Well, a Lawyer isn't who you are.. it's what you do; tell me about you."
Aaah...
"What inspires you, drives you, gets you excited, gets you furious, makes you cry, makes you laugh?"
"What are you passionate about, fearful of, what would you fight for?" "What will your legacy be?"
"Err...well, um.. can you give me a minute?"
I met someone recently and asked him all of the above questions in the first five minutes (a little intense I know). He totally didn't get it... thought I was weird.
Probably right, but not the point.
When I discovered that he was a lawyer, we had this conversation: (nothing against lawyers by the way)
"Do you enjoy law?" "I wouldn't call it enjoyment" "What would you call it?" "Work." "Can't they be synonymous?" "Not where I work"
"Did you always want to be lawyer?" "No." "What did you want to be?" "A vet or a musician." "What happened?" "My father happened." "Waddya mean?" "Family law firm, weight of expectation, eighteen years old." "You're not eighteen now."
In the ensuing twenty minutes, he gave me fifty reasons why he must stay a lawyer and why he couldn't pursue something more fulfilling, stimulating, rewarding or (shock, horror).. fun!
When I suggested that he returned to his passion (of music), even just for fun as a hobby, he assured me that he didn't have the time or the financial freedom to pursue something with little, or no, financial rewards.
I left him to enjoy another thirty years of blah...
Sometimes we're so busy existing... and conforming... and keeping everyone else happy, that we forget to live... and to pursue our passion. Or at least, try and discover what it might be.
Forget to do what makes us happy. Forget to be 'us'.
Not the 'us' everyone else expects, the real us. The us we love. Some of us have never even met the real us...
Confused?
We're so focused on creating a career, marrying before a certain age, producing our 2.3 kids, doing what's expected, making money, ticking boxes, doing all the necessary 'practical life' stuff, that we gradually and un-intentionally, lose part of ourselves. Of course we have to make money, pay bills and do all those grown-up things, but for many of us, somewhere along the way we lost the idealist, the dreamer, the optimist and the kid in us, who was always going to do and be something amazing.
Somewhere between then and now our standards changed, we started to think differently and we let the world beat the hope, excitement, creativity and the optimism out of us.
Somewhere, somehow... we settled.
We compromised.
We got tired, frustrated and disillusioned.
We got older... and more cynical..and more negative... and smarter... and dumber.
We started to rationalise our current situation with a very sensible, mature... and crippling perspective.
What if today was the day we gave the kid, the dreamer, the optimist and the idealist, a chance to run our life, or at least, have a voice in our life... and make some decisions?
Perhaps not all of the decisions.. but at least a few.
Maybe it would get some noses out of joint.
Maybe it would be unconventional.
Maybe it would be unexpected.
Maybe it would be a bit lumpy and bumpy... for a while.
Maybe it would make you uncomfortable and cause you to grow...and feel.
Maybe it would be amazing and rewarding and stimulating and fun.
Maybe it would make you happy.
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