by Sjef Van De Laak
Often we have the feeling that we need to put a lot of compulsion to get something done in life. Many people think that they have to make many demands.
Our ego is a very good manipulator and knows many tricks to get things done the way it likes things done. Our ego does not believe that it is possible to get something without putting a lot of compulsion in it because the ego lacks self-confidence.
During our life, where we did choose to be left alone, helpless, and afraid, it felt like we lost control of ourselves. Our ego tries then in every possible way to get control over people and so not to feel its lack of power.
We place ourselves in a position where we act in different characters to get control of the people around us. Some characters are very easy recognizable others are more subtle and less recognizable. With all these different characters we are only trying to get personal advantage. We believe that with these different characters we can guarantee our survival.
It is very tempting to be stuck in these characters, however are they really so effective??
Are we and other people getting into a better position, do they feel happier, does it really bring us something to insist and force on people.
Probably we will get through our demands on short term what we want, like attention, obedience , rapid satisfaction etc. etc.
However in the long term we will get less and less results on the demands we have. Because people will not feel at ease with people that are commanding, because they create feelings of disgust at their fellow-man, they encroach upon the free will of other people.
If we just look at our own reaction on demanding people, we know it doesn’t give us a positive or happy feeling. Sometimes it might be necessary to give a helping hand to somebody, however when it becomes a custom, we have to realize that we take away the possibility to heal themselves.
It is like the expression;
If you never have been pushed towards the edge of the nest , you will not realize that you have wings.
Do we dare to say no to somebody who is always trying to “use” us?
If we always fulfil their request it also indicates that we are actually saying, “You are not capable or strong enough to live your own life and therefore you can use my shoulder to guide you”.
From inside we have a gut feeling that it isn’t right the way we are acting, but because of moral duties we give so much that it drains our strength. Besides we don’t receive a lot of appreciation for what we do to help.
If we like to play the rescue party, we will always be able to find a victim, which is helpless, however if we want to rescue all the victims in our environment we will be burning our physical strength and become victim ourselves. Sometimes it looks like rescuers and victims maintain themselves as well as exhaust themselves.
Positive and healthy help is making help superfluous, wherever this is possible.
If our intuition indicates to say no, we should say no, so the other person gets a change to use its own energy and power. We don’t have to be obliged to always give in, on the other hand the other person gets more freedom to life a live with less dependence.
To be helpful to somebody starts by saying no against demanding help, and try to point out with love and understanding what the possibilities are to intend and search for some-ones own responsibility.
It makes more sense to show how you can grow grain and how to make a bread and create self-respect, and self-confidence, than bring every day new bread and take away the power of creation.
Often we have the feeling that we need to put a lot of compulsion to get something done in life. Many people think that they have to make many demands.
Our ego is a very good manipulator and knows many tricks to get things done the way it likes things done. Our ego does not believe that it is possible to get something without putting a lot of compulsion in it because the ego lacks self-confidence.
During our life, where we did choose to be left alone, helpless, and afraid, it felt like we lost control of ourselves. Our ego tries then in every possible way to get control over people and so not to feel its lack of power.
We place ourselves in a position where we act in different characters to get control of the people around us. Some characters are very easy recognizable others are more subtle and less recognizable. With all these different characters we are only trying to get personal advantage. We believe that with these different characters we can guarantee our survival.
It is very tempting to be stuck in these characters, however are they really so effective??
Are we and other people getting into a better position, do they feel happier, does it really bring us something to insist and force on people.
Probably we will get through our demands on short term what we want, like attention, obedience , rapid satisfaction etc. etc.
However in the long term we will get less and less results on the demands we have. Because people will not feel at ease with people that are commanding, because they create feelings of disgust at their fellow-man, they encroach upon the free will of other people.
If we just look at our own reaction on demanding people, we know it doesn’t give us a positive or happy feeling. Sometimes it might be necessary to give a helping hand to somebody, however when it becomes a custom, we have to realize that we take away the possibility to heal themselves.
It is like the expression;
If you never have been pushed towards the edge of the nest , you will not realize that you have wings.
Do we dare to say no to somebody who is always trying to “use” us?
If we always fulfil their request it also indicates that we are actually saying, “You are not capable or strong enough to live your own life and therefore you can use my shoulder to guide you”.
From inside we have a gut feeling that it isn’t right the way we are acting, but because of moral duties we give so much that it drains our strength. Besides we don’t receive a lot of appreciation for what we do to help.
If we like to play the rescue party, we will always be able to find a victim, which is helpless, however if we want to rescue all the victims in our environment we will be burning our physical strength and become victim ourselves. Sometimes it looks like rescuers and victims maintain themselves as well as exhaust themselves.
Positive and healthy help is making help superfluous, wherever this is possible.
If our intuition indicates to say no, we should say no, so the other person gets a change to use its own energy and power. We don’t have to be obliged to always give in, on the other hand the other person gets more freedom to life a live with less dependence.
To be helpful to somebody starts by saying no against demanding help, and try to point out with love and understanding what the possibilities are to intend and search for some-ones own responsibility.
It makes more sense to show how you can grow grain and how to make a bread and create self-respect, and self-confidence, than bring every day new bread and take away the power of creation.
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