by Tim Connor
Many decisions feel right when we are making them because we make them from our heart. Some decisions that are made from the intellect can also can feel right because we justify them based on our personal blind spots, preferences, desires, experience or arrogance.
Just because a decision feels right doesn’t make it right for either the short or long term. Just because a choice feels wrong doesn’t make it wrong again for the long or short term.
Many decisions that feel right that are based purely on our emotions may not take into consideration all of the present or future potential ramifications or consequences. I don’t mean to imply that these are bad or wrong just that we may tend to avoid or ignore them in the present due to some other stronger circumstances or conditions.
Take for example the decision to change jobs that requires a relocation to a different state or maybe even country. The allure of these new opportunities, experiences and benefits may over shadow the discomfort of making new friends, getting to know your new environment and leaving the security of known circumstances behind.
I can tell you that as a kid I was in eighteen schools in twelve years in five different states. Moving when you are nine years old after you have finally gotten settled can be a difficult experience at best. My older brother was in four different high schools in four years. I was only in two.
These experiences at the time were challenging and often traumatic. But in the process I learned two very important lessons; to learn to adjust to new circumstances quickly and to take full responsibility for my actions, attitudes and life outcomes. Believe me in hindsight these two lessons far outweigh the difficulties I experienced during those seventeen years of constant disruption.
If the decision to move or not move were left up to me as a fourteen year old I can tell you now we would have stayed put but it wasn’t up to me so off we went again to a new environment. The consequences of these decisions at the time felt unnerving and uncomfortable but as I look back they ultimately did not hurt me at all.
Was this due to my temperament, DNA, attitudes or resilience? Who knows.
So you have decided to leave one relationship for another. I am not the judge and jury here and I certainly don’t have the right to impose my beliefs or attitudes on anyone. All I ask is that when making any decision you consider all of the short and long term consequences. If you are comfortable with them then go for it. However, you would be amazed at how many people make these decisions in haste based on how they feel in the present only to look back and wish that they had done something differently.
Let me reiterate, I am not saying make them or don’t make them I am only suggesting that you make them with both your heart and mind and based on the long and short term potential outcomes.
Let’s say that you have decided to purchase an expensive new car because it is one you have always wanted and you can now afford it. You base this decision purely on your desire with considering any future consequences. What if you lose your job, will you be able to afford the payments. It’s a two-seater and you and your bride enjoy tooling around the countryside with the top down on weekends. Will it be practical if you decide to have a couple of kids in the next few years?
So your response is, “if we have a couple of kids I’ll just sell it and get a minivan.” I really don’t care whether you stuff the kids in the trunk, get a minivan or sell it. I am only suggesting that when you make a decision, any decision, think and feel it through carefully. If you decide to make it, then make it with no regrets.
Regrets is one of the biggest yokes you will carry through life. The regret of not doing something or trying something as well as the regret of doing something or trying something.
I could give you countless examples of decisions I have made too quickly, without proper thought or purely emotionally. Most of them ended up poorly. However, keep in mind that all of the choices you make with adequate thought, planning and emotional stability are not guaranteed to turn out well in the end. As my daughter is fond of saying, “It is what it is.” I think she got that from me.
Many decisions feel right when we are making them because we make them from our heart. Some decisions that are made from the intellect can also can feel right because we justify them based on our personal blind spots, preferences, desires, experience or arrogance.
Just because a decision feels right doesn’t make it right for either the short or long term. Just because a choice feels wrong doesn’t make it wrong again for the long or short term.
Many decisions that feel right that are based purely on our emotions may not take into consideration all of the present or future potential ramifications or consequences. I don’t mean to imply that these are bad or wrong just that we may tend to avoid or ignore them in the present due to some other stronger circumstances or conditions.
Take for example the decision to change jobs that requires a relocation to a different state or maybe even country. The allure of these new opportunities, experiences and benefits may over shadow the discomfort of making new friends, getting to know your new environment and leaving the security of known circumstances behind.
I can tell you that as a kid I was in eighteen schools in twelve years in five different states. Moving when you are nine years old after you have finally gotten settled can be a difficult experience at best. My older brother was in four different high schools in four years. I was only in two.
These experiences at the time were challenging and often traumatic. But in the process I learned two very important lessons; to learn to adjust to new circumstances quickly and to take full responsibility for my actions, attitudes and life outcomes. Believe me in hindsight these two lessons far outweigh the difficulties I experienced during those seventeen years of constant disruption.
If the decision to move or not move were left up to me as a fourteen year old I can tell you now we would have stayed put but it wasn’t up to me so off we went again to a new environment. The consequences of these decisions at the time felt unnerving and uncomfortable but as I look back they ultimately did not hurt me at all.
Was this due to my temperament, DNA, attitudes or resilience? Who knows.
So you have decided to leave one relationship for another. I am not the judge and jury here and I certainly don’t have the right to impose my beliefs or attitudes on anyone. All I ask is that when making any decision you consider all of the short and long term consequences. If you are comfortable with them then go for it. However, you would be amazed at how many people make these decisions in haste based on how they feel in the present only to look back and wish that they had done something differently.
Let me reiterate, I am not saying make them or don’t make them I am only suggesting that you make them with both your heart and mind and based on the long and short term potential outcomes.
Let’s say that you have decided to purchase an expensive new car because it is one you have always wanted and you can now afford it. You base this decision purely on your desire with considering any future consequences. What if you lose your job, will you be able to afford the payments. It’s a two-seater and you and your bride enjoy tooling around the countryside with the top down on weekends. Will it be practical if you decide to have a couple of kids in the next few years?
So your response is, “if we have a couple of kids I’ll just sell it and get a minivan.” I really don’t care whether you stuff the kids in the trunk, get a minivan or sell it. I am only suggesting that when you make a decision, any decision, think and feel it through carefully. If you decide to make it, then make it with no regrets.
Regrets is one of the biggest yokes you will carry through life. The regret of not doing something or trying something as well as the regret of doing something or trying something.
I could give you countless examples of decisions I have made too quickly, without proper thought or purely emotionally. Most of them ended up poorly. However, keep in mind that all of the choices you make with adequate thought, planning and emotional stability are not guaranteed to turn out well in the end. As my daughter is fond of saying, “It is what it is.” I think she got that from me.
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