by Bruce Painter
Many people say that we should give freely to others. However, giving freely can cause great problems in some situations. For example, many parents give freely to their kids and don't require them to give back. These kids tend to become spoiled, dependent, difficult to handle, and have a lesser chance to succeed in life. We need to focus on giving intelligently. Then we can give freely. Here are 5 tips to help us give intelligently.
Tip 1 - Give some thought and planning about the recipient to whom you are going to give.
Many people think that it's all about giving freely. No! Give Intelligently. When you give intelligently, you choose the people you will give freely.
You probably would not want to give to the criminals who prey upon people. However, there are certain heroic people who give wholeheartedly through their volunteer work in prisons.
One such example is a friend of mine who gives unrestrainedly to people who have a criminal past. He is a trainer who works with the prison population. He gets very good results in helping prisoners to change their thinking to a positive and constructive mindset. With this new mindset, they are more likely to have a more constructive life while they are still in prison and also when they get out in the world again.
You may also want to give freely to those who value what you have to offer. It can be upsetting to give to someone who does not really value what you give. This is especially true in families in which parents give too much to their children - a practice that is destructive to the children's future. Spoiled children take parents for granted and typically do not value what is given to them.
On the other hand, giving to someone who truly values and appreciates your skill and attention can be a total pleasure.
Tip 2 - Give something that is beneficial to the recipient.
For example, is what you are giving going to empower the recipients, or make them dependent on you? If it makes them dependent on you, you will end up weakening them. Steve is concerned that he is not really helping his friend Larry when he does Larry's job for him in their business. Steve is a very able negotiator in his job at a law firm. Larry is new on the job and is having some anxiety about using his unproven negotiation skills.
Steve offers to help Larry by doing some negotiations for him. Steve is very skilled. Larry just sits back and lets Larry do the whole negotiation time after time. After awhile, Steve realizes that he is not really being of help to Larry, but is accomplishing the opposite. Larry is becoming dependent on Steve. Each time he does the negotiation for Larry, Larry becomes more and more unsure about his ability to negotiate.
Finally, Steve suggests that he will do part of the negotiations and Larry will do the other part. Over time Steve will do more and more of the negotiation until he is doing the whole negotiation on his own.
Now Steve is truly helping Larry by teaching him to become self-sufficient. Eventually Larry becomes one of the top negotiators of the law firm.
Tip 3 - Identify what you really like to give to others.
If people repeatedly ask you to do things for them that you dislike doing, you are going to end up unhappy about giving those things. You might feel like a martyr about it and not only feel unhappy, but make the other person feel unhappy because of your misery. In addition, the quality of your giving is likely to suffer if you do not like what you are doing.
This is especially true of many marriages in which a spouse gives in to their mate, and feels obligated to do things they don't want to do. An example is a marriage where both spouses work, yet the husband insists that the wife does all of the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids.
Tip 4 - Make sure what you are giving is wanted by other people.
If we are giving something to people that they don't want it could be a waste of time. For example, we might give of our time to do favors for people thinking we are doing it for their own good. Yet, it is something they never wanted. Or we may feel that we have an obligation to give something to certain people, but what we are giving them is not what they want.
Tip 5 - Ask others to give something back to you or to someone else.
Keep in mind that it weakens people to take and not have an opportunity to give back. You are giving a gift when you teach people to give back. They can either give back to you or to someone else. There is nothing wrong with encouraging the recipients of your giving to give back.
The question may come up - How about giving to charity? Don't we give to charitable organizations without any thought of return? Not necessarily. There are some charities, such as Habitat for Humanity, which encourage or even require the recipient of the benefits to participate and give something back.
Remember, put intelligence in the process of giving. This will allow you to give freely - a sure formula for success in business, family, and marriage.
Bonus Tip - Decide how much you are going to give to others - an important part of giving intelligently. This includes your time, attention, effort, and resources. And now I would like to offer you access to http://www.livinginthegivingzone.com
Many people say that we should give freely to others. However, giving freely can cause great problems in some situations. For example, many parents give freely to their kids and don't require them to give back. These kids tend to become spoiled, dependent, difficult to handle, and have a lesser chance to succeed in life. We need to focus on giving intelligently. Then we can give freely. Here are 5 tips to help us give intelligently.
Tip 1 - Give some thought and planning about the recipient to whom you are going to give.
Many people think that it's all about giving freely. No! Give Intelligently. When you give intelligently, you choose the people you will give freely.
You probably would not want to give to the criminals who prey upon people. However, there are certain heroic people who give wholeheartedly through their volunteer work in prisons.
One such example is a friend of mine who gives unrestrainedly to people who have a criminal past. He is a trainer who works with the prison population. He gets very good results in helping prisoners to change their thinking to a positive and constructive mindset. With this new mindset, they are more likely to have a more constructive life while they are still in prison and also when they get out in the world again.
You may also want to give freely to those who value what you have to offer. It can be upsetting to give to someone who does not really value what you give. This is especially true in families in which parents give too much to their children - a practice that is destructive to the children's future. Spoiled children take parents for granted and typically do not value what is given to them.
On the other hand, giving to someone who truly values and appreciates your skill and attention can be a total pleasure.
Tip 2 - Give something that is beneficial to the recipient.
For example, is what you are giving going to empower the recipients, or make them dependent on you? If it makes them dependent on you, you will end up weakening them. Steve is concerned that he is not really helping his friend Larry when he does Larry's job for him in their business. Steve is a very able negotiator in his job at a law firm. Larry is new on the job and is having some anxiety about using his unproven negotiation skills.
Steve offers to help Larry by doing some negotiations for him. Steve is very skilled. Larry just sits back and lets Larry do the whole negotiation time after time. After awhile, Steve realizes that he is not really being of help to Larry, but is accomplishing the opposite. Larry is becoming dependent on Steve. Each time he does the negotiation for Larry, Larry becomes more and more unsure about his ability to negotiate.
Finally, Steve suggests that he will do part of the negotiations and Larry will do the other part. Over time Steve will do more and more of the negotiation until he is doing the whole negotiation on his own.
Now Steve is truly helping Larry by teaching him to become self-sufficient. Eventually Larry becomes one of the top negotiators of the law firm.
Tip 3 - Identify what you really like to give to others.
If people repeatedly ask you to do things for them that you dislike doing, you are going to end up unhappy about giving those things. You might feel like a martyr about it and not only feel unhappy, but make the other person feel unhappy because of your misery. In addition, the quality of your giving is likely to suffer if you do not like what you are doing.
This is especially true of many marriages in which a spouse gives in to their mate, and feels obligated to do things they don't want to do. An example is a marriage where both spouses work, yet the husband insists that the wife does all of the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids.
Tip 4 - Make sure what you are giving is wanted by other people.
If we are giving something to people that they don't want it could be a waste of time. For example, we might give of our time to do favors for people thinking we are doing it for their own good. Yet, it is something they never wanted. Or we may feel that we have an obligation to give something to certain people, but what we are giving them is not what they want.
Tip 5 - Ask others to give something back to you or to someone else.
Keep in mind that it weakens people to take and not have an opportunity to give back. You are giving a gift when you teach people to give back. They can either give back to you or to someone else. There is nothing wrong with encouraging the recipients of your giving to give back.
The question may come up - How about giving to charity? Don't we give to charitable organizations without any thought of return? Not necessarily. There are some charities, such as Habitat for Humanity, which encourage or even require the recipient of the benefits to participate and give something back.
Remember, put intelligence in the process of giving. This will allow you to give freely - a sure formula for success in business, family, and marriage.
Bonus Tip - Decide how much you are going to give to others - an important part of giving intelligently. This includes your time, attention, effort, and resources. And now I would like to offer you access to http://www.livinginthegivingzone.com
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