by Sjef Van De Laak
We have made ourselves emotionally dependent on each other and what you really should do, is ask yourself; “Who am I really, separated and disconnected from other people???”
If you listen to songs, read books or look around you, everywhere you find the message that we are in compelling need of other people to feel safe or to feel happy.
Who are we really without the other, without our reputation or status without the approval and acknowledgement of other people. How much self-respect remains if we get a clear “NO” from the other person, or when our social securities are being taken away from us??
Would we feel essentially fulfilled, if we had it made in life and we owned our suburban bliss it all very well secured?
I think an “secure” life, insured against all risks or losses, often is a life with very little expansion or growth.
Millions of people on our planet “have it made” in their lives, but if you were able to have a look at their true inner feelings you would find out that the majority is very lonely and feeling unfulfilled.
They all thought that taking part in the race to success would make them happy, but now they know better.
They all thought that they had to be socially successful, that possessing people and materialistic objects would make them happy and create a heaven on earth for them and that substitute securities would fill their inner emptiness.
Gradually people start realizing that artificial securities from outside have never been able to take away their deeper inner uncertainty. They suddenly start realizing that they let go of the real passion of life. And now they have arrived at their “midlife-crisis”
We have to realize that our “suffering” has been caused by our addiction to our surrounding energy! Or to say it in a different way; man is suffering because one is at enmity with himself due to which one tries to fill the emptiness with the energy from the outer world. Man suffers most from its own attachment and tenacity.
If we want to build on the strength of the other person, we will each time experience the weakness from him as a danger for our safety and happiness, and vice versa …
If others have to compensate our weakness and we believe we have to compensate their shortcomings, we will hardly ever know inner stability. Instead we will experience uncertainty and fear and slowly we will loose our peace of mind. We or the other ones will never be good enough.
The more we are unsatisfied with ourselves and hiding our talents, the more we will lean on our neighbour man but also put a limit to their freedom.
However, if we feel more freedom by learning to increase our self-respect, we will be able to give more freedom to the other persons, which will take away the compulsion within our relation. The foundation of a stable relation is to give mutual freedom and space so as to be able to live and create our own life.
If we no longer try to change the other person, but are committed to accept them the way they are and the way they feel, we then become the best therapist we ever can be.
If we want to become happy we need to put away our emotional expectations. We will only be able to do this if we repair the relation with ourselves, if we dare to embrace ourselves because of the wonderful persons we are.
We will notice sincere freedom when we lay the foundation in ourselves, if we dare to build on the strength and power from a never drying up Source.
Everything will start with our well-meant intentions, which has to be a deliberate decision to inner transformation to self-realization. The urge to stagnation needs to be overruled by our decision to inner growth. If we are willing to lift our consciousness above the crowd, we will tune in on the course of our soul. Who dares to surrender to the destination of the soul, will be guided and taught from the inner.
It will take a lot of practise to release our compelling attitude, because we are so used to demanding. It has actually become our second nature, like an automatic pilot which makes our life unnecessary difficult. The majority of man hardly realizes this, because we were under the impression that we did not have another choice. The roots of manipulation are founded in inability, which actually means a shortcoming of self-confidence in the Source of life in itself.
If we really want more power over our life, we have to recognize and learn to know our Inner-Self. From there the pieces of the puzzle of life all fall in place.
We have made ourselves emotionally dependent on each other and what you really should do, is ask yourself; “Who am I really, separated and disconnected from other people???”
If you listen to songs, read books or look around you, everywhere you find the message that we are in compelling need of other people to feel safe or to feel happy.
Who are we really without the other, without our reputation or status without the approval and acknowledgement of other people. How much self-respect remains if we get a clear “NO” from the other person, or when our social securities are being taken away from us??
Would we feel essentially fulfilled, if we had it made in life and we owned our suburban bliss it all very well secured?
I think an “secure” life, insured against all risks or losses, often is a life with very little expansion or growth.
Millions of people on our planet “have it made” in their lives, but if you were able to have a look at their true inner feelings you would find out that the majority is very lonely and feeling unfulfilled.
They all thought that taking part in the race to success would make them happy, but now they know better.
They all thought that they had to be socially successful, that possessing people and materialistic objects would make them happy and create a heaven on earth for them and that substitute securities would fill their inner emptiness.
Gradually people start realizing that artificial securities from outside have never been able to take away their deeper inner uncertainty. They suddenly start realizing that they let go of the real passion of life. And now they have arrived at their “midlife-crisis”
We have to realize that our “suffering” has been caused by our addiction to our surrounding energy! Or to say it in a different way; man is suffering because one is at enmity with himself due to which one tries to fill the emptiness with the energy from the outer world. Man suffers most from its own attachment and tenacity.
If we want to build on the strength of the other person, we will each time experience the weakness from him as a danger for our safety and happiness, and vice versa …
If others have to compensate our weakness and we believe we have to compensate their shortcomings, we will hardly ever know inner stability. Instead we will experience uncertainty and fear and slowly we will loose our peace of mind. We or the other ones will never be good enough.
The more we are unsatisfied with ourselves and hiding our talents, the more we will lean on our neighbour man but also put a limit to their freedom.
However, if we feel more freedom by learning to increase our self-respect, we will be able to give more freedom to the other persons, which will take away the compulsion within our relation. The foundation of a stable relation is to give mutual freedom and space so as to be able to live and create our own life.
If we no longer try to change the other person, but are committed to accept them the way they are and the way they feel, we then become the best therapist we ever can be.
If we want to become happy we need to put away our emotional expectations. We will only be able to do this if we repair the relation with ourselves, if we dare to embrace ourselves because of the wonderful persons we are.
We will notice sincere freedom when we lay the foundation in ourselves, if we dare to build on the strength and power from a never drying up Source.
Everything will start with our well-meant intentions, which has to be a deliberate decision to inner transformation to self-realization. The urge to stagnation needs to be overruled by our decision to inner growth. If we are willing to lift our consciousness above the crowd, we will tune in on the course of our soul. Who dares to surrender to the destination of the soul, will be guided and taught from the inner.
It will take a lot of practise to release our compelling attitude, because we are so used to demanding. It has actually become our second nature, like an automatic pilot which makes our life unnecessary difficult. The majority of man hardly realizes this, because we were under the impression that we did not have another choice. The roots of manipulation are founded in inability, which actually means a shortcoming of self-confidence in the Source of life in itself.
If we really want more power over our life, we have to recognize and learn to know our Inner-Self. From there the pieces of the puzzle of life all fall in place.
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